Do you struggle with social anxiety and low self-esteem. Some of the strategies I incorprate when working with a client with challenges around social anxiety and self esteem include developing awareness of self talk, being mindful, and incorporating relaxation techniques. One of the best methods that combines all three is utilizing Tapping or Emotional Freedom Techniques to move beyond the pain of social anxiety and feeling insecure due to low self-esteem.
While taping you are focusing on the language, mindful of the feeling, and Tapping lowers the stress response. So it is a great strategy to use when you are trying to release the pain of anxiety and feelings of low self-esteem.
Self Love Script
The following script is meant to enhance feelings of self-worth and build self-esteem. It is a great way to start your morning. Do it daily to honor your experience of where you are and where you want to be. It will also support you in giving yourself permission to just be you.
If you aren’t familiar with tapping you can read my post on EFT which shows you the points, or you can watch this video on The Tapping Solution. Click here.
Take a couple of deep breaths, check in and see if you can bring to mind some of the feeling around not being good enough. Remember we need to focus on the negative to clear it. Rate how high the feeling of distress is on a scale from 1 to 10, with 10 being the highest level of distress.
Start with the Karate Chop Point and then just move through the points as you read each line or when it feels right to move to the next point;
KC: Even though I sometimes worry about what others think of me I am open to accepting myself completely
KC: Even though I often feel like I am not good enough I am open to becoming more loving towards myself
KC: Even though I often over analyze everything I have done and said in social situations I am open to letting go of all that self judgment and criticism and learn to love and accept myself completely.
I worry about what others think of me
I feel like others are always judging me
I don’t think I am good enough why should others?
I am afraid I won’t know what to say when I meet someone new
It’s better to be alone than deal with the anxiety of a new situation
I worry about what others think of me
I worry that I will say something stupid
Or worse that I won’t know what to say at all
I spend so much time in my head anticipating the worst case scenario
I feel like others are judging me
I won’t know what to say when I meet someone new
What if they think I’m boring
I often think the worst about myself
So why should I expect something different from others
All this worry and fear
All of this self-criticism and judgment
(you can just keep going through the statements or stop and check in here, if you are feeling really emotional just keep tapping through the statements.)
Take a deep breath and see how it feels. If it feels lighter and you think you are ready to give yourself permission to let some of this worry go, move onto the next section. If you are still at a 5 or above, (feeling like it is at least 50% true or higher that you are not good enough), then go back and tap some more on the negative. You want to be a 4 or less to move on.
Second Round – Give Yourself Permission
Starting at the Eyebrow point and then moving through the points with each line:
I am open to the possibility of relaxing around some of these thoughts and letting them go
Would it be okay for me to just let go of some of the worry and fear?
Even if I said something stupid, it wouldn’t be the end of the world
I’m open to the possibility that I can feel more relaxed around people
I am open to the possibility that I can connect with others
I am open to the possibility that I am good enough
It’s okay for me to be human and make mistakes, I release the need to always look good
I give myself permission to let go of some of this worry about what others think
I am open to the possibility that it isn’t as bad as I think it is
I give myself permission to believe that I am likable
I am open to the possibility that others won’t judge me as badly as I fear
I give myself permission to believe I am enough
I am open to the possibility that I can be myself and that’s enough
I give myself permission to like myself
I give myself permission to believe I am lovable
I give myself permission to not worry about what others think.
I am open to the possibility that I am good enough
I give myself permission to be kinder to myself
I am open to the possibility that I can stop seeing the worst in me and focus on the good that is
I am open to embracing and accepting all of me
I give myself permission to embrace, accept, and love all of me.
Take a deep breath and check in, How does that feel. Are you in a place of openness and willingness to accept yourself as you are and believe that others could as well. If so move onto the final set of tapping sentences, if not go through the above phrases at least one more time.
Round Three – Choosing Something Better
Starting at the eyebrow point again and moving through the points;
I Choose to allow myself to see me through a new lens
I choose to know that I am good enough
I choose to know that I am okay even if someone doesn’t like me
I choose to believe that I am lovable
I choose to love myself fully and unconditionally
I choose to release the negative self talk and criticism, I replace it with kind and patient self talk.
I choose to see myself through a lens of self compassion
I choose to love myself fully
I choose to believe that I am good enough
I choose to release the worry about what others think
I choose to believe that others will see me as good enough
I choose to believe that I add value to others just by being myself
I choose to believe in myself
I choose to believe I am perfect just the way I am
I choose to let go of self judgment and focus on what is good about myself
I choose to be my own cheerleader and share my gifts with others.
I choose to let go of past conditioning and believe in myself
I choose to focus on loving myself and letting go of what others think
I choose to focus on what is right about the situation and let go of the fear
I choose to embrace all of me just as I am.
Now check in, how does that feel. Does it feel like it is possible? Hopefully there is a feeling that it is possible. If not, that’s okay. You planted a seed. I would encourage you to go through these 3 rounds for at least the next 10 days (the next 30 would be even better). Have some patience with yourself, you didn’t develop these feelings overnight and some of them are pretty strong, so stick with it and give it a chance.
Other Thoughts
I would encourage you to print this out and modify the language or add some phrases that really capture your thoughts. I created this from some of the statements I have heard from clients and some may resonate with you and others maybe not. The way to make this the most effective is to use words and statements that really have meaning for you.
Let me know if you have any thoughts, and would love to hear your success.
Peace and Joy on your journey!